It would be a chauvinistic thing to state that it is common for women to stay in abusive relationships but it is true to certain degree. This is because women talk about their relationship problems. For men it is more or less a taboo to accept that their ‘women’ abuse them. In a society where the man is the protector, the fighter and provider; the fact that he may get beaten, talked down at or get cheated on does not fit.

Patrick 28 says his girlfriend has cheated on him twice since they started going on, she is always apologetic when caught and makes up for her mischievousness and he believes that if does all she wants of him, she will stay for good.

Japhet 19 is dating an older woman and she hits him. “She has anger issues he says; and I can be quite annoying at times,” “she hits me when she is mad, her work is really stressful as well, it’s something she is working on and we love each other a lot, so we will be fine.”

Kenwood 30 has been dating his girlfriend for year now; he claims that it’s a blissful relationship only that she does not know how to communicate her feelings well and this leads to a lot fights. “She is quite independent and this is what attracted me to her, but she will embarrass me in front of our friends by saying bad jokes about me, she will talk me down when I don’t get what she is saying, at times even correct my grammar. One time she went into the habit of calling me insulting names by making them cute like ‘short stuff.’ “I really like her but I think it’s now not working but she does value our relationship it’s been this long, we will see how it goes.”

It takes for a man to admit the above and still hold his head up amongst his peers but as you can see all three relationships are unhealthy.

The reasons why people hold on to relationships are many; it can be because of the security it gives whether financial and emotional or spiritual. Being with our partners should be complimentary and not detrimental to our self esteem.

A relationship should not make you bend over backwards when your partners is not there to pick you up.

You should not feel the need to spend just to appease a problem that cannot be resolved.

One should have personal boundaries in relationships, these protecting you when faced with an overbearing or abusive partner. They give you the red light signal to get out. The old saying that ‘love is blind’ should not be taken lightly because it does happen that when we feel strongly about a person we tend not see them for who they are and take in whatever they throw our way. At some point take a rain check and assess what you are feeling when your partner says or does something to you that does not feel right. Keep count on it occurrences, approach your partner about it because sometimes partners do have their own insecurities and are not sure how to deal with them. If no change occurs then you are in the wrong places.

Do not fool yourself that the love you feel for your partner will change them. It does not matter the intensity at which you love a person but if they do not feel the same way as you do, you are wasting your time. This is the time you let go. Letting go is not the easy it is a working process that can take a year or more for some. However hard it may be for you to let go it will be much better than staying with someone that does not care for you. Love is not a prison.

One should have enough self respect and confidence not to be dependent on another for their own happiness. This is a mistake most people make when going into relationships. We tend to make our partners heroes and because of this the emotional scale between the two of you is tipped. Once your partner understands that you value them more than you do yourself, it becomes a problem especially for you. This where you find them saying “you cannot leave me; no one else will have you!” It does not matter at what point in your life find you and what emotional despair they saved you from, your partner is only human, they have flaws and when given too much they can take you for granted. Be in control of how your relationship works, being in a relationship with someone is not a chore to please them.

Love is a gift and should be cherished when found. Partners should treat each other with respect and love. They should communicate because that is key to all successful relationships. Do not feel you have to stay with someone that does not appreciate you because love them. Love is a give and take endeavor without balance, it can be quite tasking. Love yourself enough to understand when you are loved and not loved.